Misfiring Mind

So here's the thing.

The fact that I was distracted from my thesis on Sunday morning was sort of funny. After all, I had until Monday to email it to my advisor.

And okay, maybe I didn't get anything done on it the rest of the day, but I had stuff to do. But since I only work until 12:30 on Mondays, I'd have plenty of time to bring together all of my research and reword all of my ideas to sound academic rather than the ramblings of a massively disordered mind.

Fast forward to Monday: I'm out of work and home by 1. I have every intention of powering my way through several hours' worth of writing, and am convinced that I can email a draft to my advisor by the evening.

Once again: Hey look, an internet.

By the time Jay gets home at 6 pm, I've accomplished absolutely nothing. I maintain my delusion that I'll be able to send my advisor SOMETHING. Monday doesn't end until midnight, right?

As of 12:30, I've spent about 10 solid hours on the computer, and poor Jay has been mostly ignored the entire night. I decamped to my bed around 11, convincing myself that if I was at least in the same room as Jay, I'd get something accomplished. I didn't.

Between 12:30 and 1:15 am, I managed to tap into my hyper-focus ability and write another two pages. I could've just emailed it to my advisor then, but no. I decided I'd wake up super-early and bang out another few pages before I sent it.

I failed at super-early, unsurprisingly. I dragged my ass out of bed around 9. I sent the draft at 10:19 am, having added another paragraph and a half. And I only managed that after I had a friend give me an emergency pep-talk.

I have absolutely no idea what I've done with the past 2 1/2 hours, but it wasn't my thesis. Somewhere in there I screwed around on Twitter for a bit and played a few games of mah jong. I think I managed about 20 minutes on the presentation I have to give at 4. And no, I'm not prepared for that either.

It's really hard not to be self-loathing at times like this. I'm supposed to be an adult, supposed to be able to get shit done without getting distracted by EVERYTHING.

It's now 11:46 and I still have to shower before getting to that 1:00 meeting. It's pretty much a foregone conclusion that I'll be late. Somehow, I don't think she'll be surprised.